Disclaimer: Hi! This is Ian Galsim. I am not a professional writer neither a good blogger. I’m just trying to share my thoughts here. If you have any stories that you would like to share, kindly email me at firstname.lastname@example.org . Thanks! 🙂
This is a deep and complex issue, so I am only going to scratch the surface. Here are my top five reasons why gay relationships generally don’t work out and what YOU can do to prevent it.
1. We Don’t Believe In Dating Anymore
Let’s say Martin goes to the club. Martin meets Anthony, they dance, they chill, they get to know each other. Two things are probably going to happen. Either they are going to exchange numbers and hook up later or they are going to go to one’s place and hook up there. They have sex and several days later, they are a couple. A couple weeks later, they break up and bitter Martin is back at the club.
Now for some people, they are not really relationship material and they are aware, so they don’t seek relationships, they just want to hook up (like having Grndr, PR and all that Gay apps) and that’s the end.But if you are looking for a relationship, the FIRST thing you need to do is to get to know the person.Dating is like an interview for a job.
You need to know who you are dealing with and be honest with who you are. Too often men try to be who they are not to please someone they are interested in and that never good. Engage in good conversations and ask questions. (talking about sex on the first couple of conversations is a NO NO!). Get to know his friends and family. Take NOTES!
Sustain from having sex! I know this is hard for some who have a higher sex drive but trust me, if the person is worth it, the sex is going to be awesome. You don’t have to sleep with every dude that you meet. Get to know him a little while longer. One thing I have realize is that a REAL man will respect you a whole lot more when you do this. (it is in my 30s that i only realised this! haha) But go , Do IT!
Lastly, you should not be looking for love in the CLUB. YOU SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING FOR LOVE IN THE CLUB! I do understand that for some people, the clubhouse is where the gays are most likely to congregate but you can meet that special someone ANYWHERE.(Church, Grocery Store, Neighborhood, School, Gym) Get out and get a life!
2. It’s ALL About You And Not US!
For some of us, we are used to be alone and independent. We are used to going out and not having to worry about that significant other at home. The thing is, when you are in a relationship, it’s no longer about YOU. In a healthy relationship, you can have a romantic relationship but still enjoy the company of your friends. The key is prioritizing your relationships. Your relationship with family, your relationship with your friends and your relationship with your significant other. Set out and communicate with your partner. Allow each other to have a life outside of the relationship but keep that communication OPEN! Be honest with each other!
3. The Grass Is Always Greener.. (or There’s always so many Fish in the sea)
This is a major problem for us gay man, we think the grass is always greener on the other side. You been with Marci for a while now and the ‘honeymoon’ stage has long worn off. You been checking Johnathan out and on the surface it seems that he got it going on. Nice house, nice job, nice car, always rocking the latest threads but what you don’t know is he got bad credit, He is about to get evicted from that house he is renting, His car is in danger of being reposed and he is THIS close to losing that job! But you don’t see it and cheat on Jerry with Johnny Boy. We ALL know how that ends.
. Don’t fall for that facade!
Also know that relationships are not forever. You have some people who come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime and then there is life.. Know the difference and learn as you go. You might get hurt but MOVE ON and don’t cling to the past!
4.Guys Want Too Damn Much But Can’t Match Up
You want a man with a good job, but you don’t have a job. You want a man with a nice car, but you ride the MRT. You don’t want him to cheat or lie but ALL your relationships failed because you did both. He has to be model material, a certain height, a certain build and he MUST be masculine.
And you wonder why you are STILL single and lonely..
You can’t demand what you don’t have. If you want all of those things (some which is just plain unrealistic and shallow), you must be able to match up. I am not saying that you have to setting for less, but at least inspire to be what you asking for in a man. Understand that you may not get what you want on that imaginary list. Be CAREFUL what you ask for.
Dig a little deeper. Does he has dreams and goals? Is he putting it into action? What is his mental state like? Make sure he respects you. Make sure he is good to his mama. Have morals and standards. That kind of thing.
5. You Don’t Even Know Or Love Who YOU Are.
Before you can even THINK about a relationship, you need to KNOW who you are. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be your OWN person. We all have our types but there is nothing sexier then a man who can stand on his own and is CONFIDENT (NOT COCKY). When you have figure out who you are, LOVE yourself! Like Rupaul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the HELL is somebody gonna love you?”
The TRUTH is NO MAN on this earth can love you better then you can love yourself. Start by taking a good long look in the mirror and if there is something you want to change or don’t like, CHANGE IT! Pray over what you can’t change and KNOW the difference.
Tell yourself in that mirror that you love yourself and that you are responsible for your OWN happiness! Take YOURSELF out on a date. Treat yourself every now and then! Be GOOD to yourself and when you DO find that good man, treat him the way you will treat yourself.
THE BEST ADVICE FOR LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP IS TO NOT LOOK AT ALL. SAY A LITTLE PRAYER AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. WHEN THE TIME COMES, THE RIGHT ONE WILL COME ALONG WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECTED!
There are millions of reason as to why gay relationships don’t work out. Gay people struggle to nurture their relationships in a society that still offers none of the same support heterosexual couples value. There are internal and external problems faced by two men or two women as they create a life together, that heterosexual couples might just never experience. Some of these may even be subconscious.
A few examples:
-inability to marry under the law
-issues preventing couples from adopting
-conflicting feelings based on religious beliefs
-parents unacceptability of child’s homosexuality
-society’s views/beliefs of homosexual relationships
-lack of visible examples of long lasting gay relationships
-subconscious self-sabotaging of relationships based on years of negative internalising
The truth is, there are many, many gay relationships out there that have survived longer than most heterosexual marriages. These are sadly hidden from both the homosexual and gay community. It is possible to find the special someone who is suitable for a healthy relationship.
*Inspired article from theluckystar
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